“Confessions of a Bus Rider”

Humorous Speech Debuted at Toastmasters Club 21 September 14, 2010

Joke #1  
Little Jimmy: Aunt Mary, when I grow up, I want to be a bus driver.
Aunt Mary: Well, Jimmy, I won’t stand in your way.

Joke #2
Roger was sitting on a crowded bus.  A woman of ample proportions was sitting across from him.  People crowded on the bus; there was standing room only.  The woman said to Roger, “Young man, if you were a gentleman, you would get up and offer your seat to someone else.”
Roger replied, “If you were a lady, you would get up and offer your seat to four other people.”

Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Mary and...pause....deep breath...I ride the bus.

I feel so much better getting that off my chest.  

But the truth is I am proud of riding the bus.  I don’t want to stop.  I will continue taking public transportation.

Last  month I hit bottom...I sold my car..  I posted it three times on Craigslist.   It took a while to find the right buyer. I was desperate.  The car finally sold when I stopped mentioning that it leaked oil.  

I am aware of the social stigma of taking the bus.  There is a class system in LA: those who own a car and...well that’s pretty much it.  Most of the time when I mention that I sold my car, the reaction is “Oh, too bad.”  People are uncomfortable.  They want to change the subject.  In LA, giving up your car is just one step closer to the gutter.

But it is not like that.  I feel happy, light.  Here I am in LA:  carefree and careless...I mean car-less.

No gas to buy, no repairs, no parking hassles.  There are a lot of benefits to taking public transportation.  Let me elaborate...

It frees up time..  There are so many activities that can be done while riding the bus, that you might miss while driving. Like reading, or knitting, or compulsively checking email on your Blackberry.  My best efforts have been devoted to constructing a fantasy world about living in New York City, where everyone takes Metro.  I have an apartment in Manhattan, and a job downtown.  I have cool friends and we hang out at bars in SoHo...

There is a certain freedom to public transportation.  Taking the bus hearkens back to the Wild West, when adventurous, self-reliant pioneers cruised the great plains in covered wagons, unsure of who or what they might encounter. Never knowing how long their journey would take.

I live in LA as a rebel.  You may say that, “Nobody walks in LA, but darnit, I am “special”.

I embrace the bus.  And I am on a mission to bring “cool” back to public transportation.  And I don’t mean air-conditioning.

Let me ask you this...What is bus spelled backwards?     That’s right.   S.U.B.  Sexy Urban...Bobsled

Imagine locking eyes with the swarthy, foreign stranger from across the aisle.  Or striking up a friendship with the driver on your regular bus route.  Turn on the charm, and there could be some free rides in it for you.

You’ve got value: Riding the bus is like getting a tour of Los Angeles for a dollar and fifty cents.  For example, you could take Line 2 on Sunset from Pacific Palisades all the way to Downtown LA.  That would bring you through, Beverly Glen, UCLA, Brentwood, Beverly Hills, Sunset Strip, Hollywood, Silverlake, Echo Park.  When your family is visiting from out of town, just pop them on the bus...that will give you an entire day free.

There are even bus fashions. Well, more like do’s and don’ts
For example: Do wear close-toed shoes. Don’t wear diamond jewelry.

I like to be self-sufficient.  I choose to live without a car, so I walk, I ride the bus, I take the subway (not that subway goes anywhere, it just sounds fancy to say “subway” and it fits into my Manhattan fantasy.)  

All in all, riding the bus in Los Angeles is a great experience. You have the practical aspects: more free time, great value.  Then you also have the adventure, romance, and style.

Yes, I am proud to say, “I RIDE THE BUS.”

Oh, by the way, is anyone going toward downtown tonight...could I get a ride?